


your heart is calling

by InfiniteWoonique



Series: Bun in the Oven [16]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Disability, Domestic, Down Syndrome, Established Relationship, Fluff, Happy Ending, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Mpreg, Parenthood, Pregnant Lee Taeyong, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-28 11:17:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19811179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfiniteWoonique/pseuds/InfiniteWoonique
Summary: Taeyong and Yoonoh are over the moon about their upcoming baby, but a trip to the OBGYN changes thattitle inspired by NCT 127's Highway to Heaven





	your heart is calling

**Author's Note:**

> maybe a trigger warning for diagnosed down syndrome in a 12 week fetus? does it need a TW? no clue but there you go

Taeyong stared in the mirror and took in every detail of his new body with a wide smile on his face, sharp features softening with his admiration. He had just started showing, no longer bloating as a symptom. It was exhilarating, evidence of his baby finally manifesting in his lower abdomen. He had started showing two days ago, just before his twelfth week and since then his hands hadn't left his body. A hand was always on the tiny, tiny swell in between his hips, wanting to be closer even though it was impossible since the baby was inside of him. A man could try though because that was his baby in there. This was no bloat, this was his actual baby. 

He had taken to wearing snug shirts that would showcase his bump, proving to the world that there was something there. It had only been two days but even to his prenatal appointment that was today, he was going to wear a tighter shirt and would waltz into the office with pride and confidence. He usually wore oversized and baggy clothes, but that would also hide away his baby. He didn't want to do that from now on. 

Taeyong's body shivered in excitement as he turned in the mirror to see his bump in every angle, feeling light on his feet as he moved. Having a baby had been his dream since he was a kid, whether he was having the baby or not. Being a parent had been the number one thing on his bucket list, and here he was. Having a baby with the love of his life, Yoonoh who was now walking into the room. 

Yoonoh chuckled in amusement as Taeyong made eye contact with him in the mirror, still facing the reflective surface with his hands holding his small belly. Taeyong knew Jaehyun could see where his hands were and as a flirty gesture, Taeyong shaped his hands into a heart right over the crest of his belly. He was extremely satisfied to see Yoonoh's eyes squint in a full smile that popped out, showcasing the same expression he made when they were married in their ceremony. Purely infatuated and glimmering with love. 

"Stop it, you flirt," Yoonoh cooed as he stepped closer to Taeyong up until he was behind him, hands snaking around his waist until both hands were resting on Taeyong's. His hands were warm and encasing Taeyong's body against the younger's chest, pulling him as close as possible. Taeyong hummed in contentment, "Are you ready to go soon?" 

Taeyong's prenatal appointment was in half an hour and it was the only thing he could think about since their last appointment because this time around, they were actually going to see their baby. It had still been too early to take a proper look, but now the baby was big enough to see past the abdominal wall and both Taeyong and Yoonoh were anticipating this visit with so much heart and excitement. Their baby's first picture would be taken today and they would be able to keep it and tape it to their bathroom mirror so they could see it throughout the day.

"Yes, I just wish time would go faster," Taeyong wished, turning in Yoonoh's arms so he was pressing his face into the younger's chest. He rested his nose just under his chin where he could feel a spot where he had missed shaving that morning. It was small and barely anything, but it was still there, "I'm getting really impatient,” he trailed kisses from under his chin to between his collarbones, taking extra time to pay attention to the smooth skin between the protrusions. He had kissed and touched every inch of his husband's skin and he knew the best places to rile the younger up in the smallest ways. They'd been together a long time and they knew each other inside and out. 

"What's new?" Yoonoh asked, ducking his head to pepper kisses all over Taeyong's face. His cheeks, chin, nose, forehead, eyes, and lastly his pink lips that were permanently pouty. He could kiss those lips all day, “We just have fifteen minutes left, that’s not too long, right?” Yoonoh asked, looking in the mirror to study the two of them. They fit together so well, the shorter’s body fitting into the shape of his and Taeyong's head able to rest in the crook of Yoonoh's neck in comfort. It was all too perfect. 

Taeyong huffed and slouched in Yoonoh’s arms to communicate his frustration, basically putting all his weight on the younger, “That feels like forever even when I know it’s not. I feel like I’m going to pee of excitement and yet I still have to wait. I can’t even hold my pee that long, I’ll wet my pants,” he quipped. He could barely hold his pee for five minutes let alone fifteen, and then half an hour? There was just no way he could possibly do that. He still had to drink lots of water so their baby would show up on their ultrasound better and he wasn't particularly looking forward to that. 

“Don’t be so dramatic. We’ll have to leave in a second so we get there on time anyway so put your shoes on so we can go,” Yoonoh reminded as he pulled away, smacking Taeyong on the butt for good measure. Taeyong giggled and hopped away from the younger to grab his shoes so they could leave as soon as possible, not even phased by the gesture of affection. Yoonoh laughed after his husband but in reality, he was feeling the same joy that Taeyong was feeling. He was just more resigned in his expressions, but Taeyong could always tell. He was fluent in the language of Yoonoh and could read his emotions in a second without fail, “Don’t run! You always run into the corners when you’re in a rush! We don't need to hurt the baby!”

“We'll be fine!” Taeyong shouted back from further away, no doubt already downstairs and sitting on the ground so he could tie his sneakers on. Taeyong wasn’t going to be able to do that for much longer and he had said so himself that he wanted to move with as much freedom as possible before he was weighed down by their baby, “But you need to hurry!” 

“Fine,” Yoonoh acquiesced with pleasure as he jogged down the hall and the stairs of their small house, “You wanna drive or me?”

“You drive! If I drive I’ll speed and we don’t need a ticket to pay for when we have to save for the baby!” Taeyong informed, already thinking so far ahead of their child. He was so ready for this and it was admirable, inspiring even. They still had a good six months before their baby would be here but in retrospect, that was so close for something that was going to be in their lives for forever. This appointment was one step closer, and they would be there very soon. 

After the drive, sitting in the waiting room, and hearing how proud the doctor was of Taeyong finally showing and putting on a healthy amount of weight as well, they had him lay on the examination table right next to an ultrasound machine so they could do a full scan and take measurements. It was so close, they were going to see their baby within seconds. 

And finally seeing their baby for the first time ever was purely magical. They were both surprised to see a full baby despite how much they had looked up twelve-week ultrasounds already. The baby looks like an actual baby at this point but it was still so surprising seeing it for themselves. There was a little person inside of Taeyong and they were just chilling out, developing and growing into a strong baby that would be in their arms and breathing. Living and alive. 

"That's our baby," Taeyong had repeated the whole visit at the clinic. His eyes never left the monitor, not even to look at Yoonoh. Taeyong could feel Yoonoh's presence at all times and taking a look wouldn't make a difference, he could feel the love and excitement through his fingertips. No need to look at expressions when they were as connected as they were, "That's our baby," all Yoonoh could do was agree and repeat him. 

After the ultrasound was captured and a scan was available, since Taeyong was twelve weeks along, there were several mandatory tests that had to be attended to and Taeyong couldn't deny the request when it was only for the benefit of their child. The first test was a chorionic villus sampling, CVS for short, and it was testing for birth defects, genetic diseases, and other problems during pregnancy that could be harmful to the baby. It was combined with a blood test and a sample taken from the placenta through the abdominal wall, and Taeyong absolutely hated needles, but he could put up with it for his baby. This was all beneficial. 

With the promise of a phone call in three days with the results, the two went home where Taeyong could rest after the test. He was feeling a little queasy and with the test done he was feeling tired, so Yoonoh made sure the older was comfortable and got everything he needed that day no matter what the older needed. Yoonoh didn't need him going to work the next day still feeling ill, he wanted him feeling as best as he could. 

Taeyong had gone through a calm three days as he relaxed to recover fully and not harm his baby. The test done on him was small and there wasn't much harm in its ministrations, but he could never be too careful. There was nothing in this world that could come between him and his baby, and if he felt his unborn baby needed him to rest then he took that opportunity. After work and when he was home, he made sure he was resting properly so his baby wouldn't face the repercussions. He would be damned if he hurt his own baby, so he made it so he didn't hurt them. 

Three uneventful days before it was Friday morning when they received the call. When they get the call, it's either: you're perfectly healthy and you don't need to come in, or you need to come in. At first, neither Taeyong nor Yoonoh could gauge any emotion from their OBGYN over the phone, so it was an entire mystery to them until he told them to meet him in his office. That day if they could and while yes they could attend, they did not want to after hearing their doctor's tone. Why go to the clinic if everything was just fine? There were red flags that were going up everywhere and neither Taeyong nor Yoonoh wanted to leave their house for fear of bad news. There was no escaping it and the two just had to pray there was nothing too terrible happening. 

It had taken some more persuasion on Taeyong's part, him just wanting to stay home and take a nap and ignore everything negative that was happening. But Yoonoh made sure to support and ease the older into this. He needed to go, there was no question about it. Taeyong's anxiety was horrible, was controlling every aspect of this entire situation, but Yoonoh had always been the person who could make him see sense. So Taeyong made sure he stuck close enough to Yoonoh to give him comfort, whether that was holding his hand, or holding his arm, or just touching him, it was helping. 

Nothing in the world could prepare them for what they heard next though. They had showed up to the clinic and checked in to be tended to almost instantly. They were ushered into the examination room to sit on the examination table and all Taeyong could feel was the anxiety scratching at his throat. Yoonoh and his baby bump were the only things keeping him calm, one hand held by Yoonoh and the other nestled firmly over his bump. There was still a baby in there, they had seen the heartbeat yesterday. It was strong and wonderful and there was no way there was anything wrong with their baby. There just couldn't be. 

Yet, when their doctor sat down with files in hand, the words, "Your baby has Down Syndrome," were destructive and hurtful, more than either ever thought they would be. They had both met children and adults with Down Syndrome, but having a child with Down Syndrome had never been something they would think to live through. It was hard and different, but that didn't make it bad. 

However, Taeyong was crushed in every aspect because how could his baby have Down Syndrome? Trisomy 21 specifically, but how could that just happen? He and Yoonoh didn't have it, and he knew that one of the parents had to be a balanced carrier of the translocation for this to be possible. It was usually the mother who had a higher chance of being the carrier, and thus it was his fault that his baby was going to live life with a disability. He was the cause and he did this to his baby. 

If they really wanted to make sure that their baby had down syndrome, he was eligible for an amniocentesis for an absolutely clear answer at week fifteen, but with the way the ultrasound was picking up extra fluid around at the base of their baby's neck, there was no way he or she didn't have Down Syndrome. It was basically set in stone already and there was no doubting it. 

And with that diagnosis fresh on their minds, the pair were sent home with pamphlets and numbers to consultation doctors that would be able to help them out in the long run. They were given so much information that it was overwhelming and leaving them all overstimulated to an impressive degree. The whole ride home, both Yoonoh and Taeyong stayed completely quiet as they processed this all separately and in their own ways. 

Yoonoh was worried, of course he was, but he was also seeing this as an opportunity. Having a child with a disability would teach him whole new levels of patience and kindness, would humble him and teach him that there is more to life. It was going to be more difficult, but this was his baby. There was no turning back on this, only steps forward and lessons to learn. 

But Taeyong was panicking and nitpicking every little thing he had done from the start of this pregnancy, wondering if his actions had done anything to aid in that as well. He drank early in his pregnancy, plenty of wine and he had even gone to a New Year's party where vodka shots had been popular that night. He had painted a wall in their house just before he found out he was pregnant and paint fumes weren't good for a pregnancy. Sleeping on his stomach was his favorite position, had he squished his baby? He had done so much that was against the rules, but still, he knew that none of those options were causes of Down Syndrome. DS starts at conception and nothing prior or during could cause it, he had been told as much. Yet he still had fears and qualms. He had done this to his baby... Whatever the real cause was, it was still his fault. 

Walking through the door of their small house, Taeyong finally broke down. He had been holding it all back for Yoonoh's sake and now in the privacy of his own home, he didn't have to hold back. His face was in his hands and his body was shaking with sobs and gasps. He felt cold and small in this world and like everything was wrong. His baby wasn't supposed to have a hard life ahead of them, it was supposed to be easy and 'normal', but that will never happen. 

Yoonoh panicked and set his coat down to wrap his arms around Taeyong but the older fought him off, swatting his hands away so he couldn't touch him. He was aggressive and for fear that he would hurt himself or even him, Yoonoh backed away and let Taeyong cry, wail into the air as he clutched the sides of his coat. He was refraining from doing anything drastic but the desire was still there, was still begging to act. This was not happening. 

"Taeyong," Yoonoh called, feeling tears build up in his own eyes. He was getting impatient and scared, fearing for Taeyong's safety regardless of how little it was like to his personality, "Taeyong, you need to calm down, please. You're stressing yourself out. You'll get hurt."

Taeyong turned to Yoonoh and the red in his eyes and tears trailing his pale skin was heartbreaking. The next words that came out shattered Yoonoh's heart with how sad he sounded, "Our baby has Down Syndrome, Yoonoh. How can something like that just happen?!" he paused, attempting to stop his mouth from spewing word vomit that filtered out all the positivity and let through all the negativity, "Down Syndrome, love."

Yes, he was aware, but with the connotation in Taeyong's voice, it sounded so poor and negative, "Is that a bad thing?" Yoonoh asked next, wanting to hear his entire thought process before delving further into this investigation of Taeyong's feelings. Taeyong was a loving person and there was no way he loved this baby any less due to a disorder. There was something not clicking and it was distressing Taeyong in a way that Yoonoh was not seeing. 

Taeyong huffed in frustration at not knowing how to express his worries and fears, "Our baby has a disability, Yoonoh. We're not prepared for this. At all," ah, there was that fear, "We were preparing for a totally healthy baby that won't need much medical attention, but now this is a whole different ball game," his hand splayed across his baby bump, deriving comfort from it even though the baby was the cause of his current stress, "How do we go about this? How am I supposed to be a mother to a baby like that?" 

"Like what?" Yoonoh asked in curiosity, wondering exactly what that meant. 

Taeyong sniffled and smacked his lips, "Disabled, different," that was scary, that was something neither were very familiar with. Yoonoh could see where he was coming from, neither could relate to their child that was going to deal with something their entire life. 

But Yoonoh had to speak up to hold his stance of confidence and enthusiasm with this situation, "I don't think anyone is ever prepared for a baby with a disability," Yoonoh claimed and he was correct, "No one ever expects something like this, so they adapt and they learn. And you're going to be a great mother, a fantastic one. A difference like that in our child won't make a difference." 

Taeyong's bottom lip wobbled and he cried again, "Even if the disability isn't that big of an issue, how am I going to be the best mother if I don't know what to do? I'm going to fail as a mother because I won't know what I'll be doing and I'll forever have that thought that I thought my baby was an issue. I've already thought about how much better it would be if they weren't disabled," he choked on the last few words, guilt overpowering and grabbing every nerve, "What kind of mother thinks that way about their own baby?"

"A mother who is scared and a mother who is worried. You can't blame yourself at all, love," Yoonoh reminded as he stepped forward and placed his hands on Taeyong's hips, thumbs rubbing into the soft skin where he was filling out in the front. It seemed impossible, but Taeyong felt bigger than he was yesterday. Their baby was growing rapidly but he hadn't thought this fast, or maybe he was just that hypersensitive to the changes in Taeyong's body, "You're not the first mother to think something like that, I'm sure. I can't tell you I didn't think the same thing," he informed as he brought Taeyong into his chest, tucking his head under his chin as he could feel every inch of the older's body on his, "We're going through this together."

Taeyong hummed and sniffled against Yoonoh's chest, hands winding their way around his waist, "I don't want them to go through life with all this hardship. People with disabilities live hard lives, it's never easy for them."

"We can make it easier for them though. Just because our baby is disabled, that doesn't mean we will love them any less. Everything will be perfect and we'll be the best parents ever and they will never feel any different from anyone else," Yoonoh spoke reverently with an equally reverent smile, almost like a promise, "You don't have to worry about anything." 

"They will be very cute," Taeyong stated with a small giggle that was drowned out a bit by the sniffle that followed. 

"They'll be beautiful because they're ours, right?" Yoonoh inquired as he placed more kisses along Taeyong's soft hair, tickling his face, "Everything will be alright and we'll do everything we can to prepare for our baby, sound good?" 

Taeyong was quiet for a few seconds, but before it became unbearable, Taeyong nodded and lifted his head to face Yoonoh, "Sounds good. I want to be an expert with Down syndrome before they get here. That's my goal."

Yoonoh laughed heartily and nodded, "Sounds doable, I want the same for me, too. There won't be a single thing our baby will need while they're alive." 

Taeyong felt his heart warm his chest and he was truly blessed to have someone like Yoonoh by his side, "I love you, I really do. You do so much for us."

"But, of course. What else would I do?" the answer was lost because neither of them knew. Yoonoh lived to show his family that he loved them and even though it was the two of them for now, the third addition will be just as loved and so much will be sacrificed for them. It was the least he could do when his heart called constantly for Taeyong and their baby.


End file.
